Self-hatred, Catharsis, and Evil

Here are three short(er) thoughts I jotted down over the past month. There is no rhyme of reason to them, just little moments with God.

Self-Hatred*

Don’t believe the whispers of self-hatred that burrow into our ears and seep into our hearts like poison. Before we make life-altering decisions, let’s consider an everlasting truth. God is real. He loves us very much. His love doesn’t require us to alter ourselves but will transform us in every way — starting with fear. God is love, and he silences the fear that persuades us to mutilate ourselves in order to like ourselves. When I say mutilate, I refer to forced change to body, mind, or mindset. We are created and fashioned together by the hands of God. He is Creator — but also restorer, renewer, redeemer, and savior. And he is our friend. Holy Spirit, counsel us today with love. We want to love the Lord with all of our hearts, soul, mind, and strength. Reveal the lies we believe and counter them with truth and love. 

Consider Psalm 139, verse by verse 

(*please know that this thought is not about necessary medical procedures or even cosmetic ones. This is about healing from self-hatred.)

Fear of Evil

I will fear no evil. God hates evil, but he doesn’t fear it. He can’t be a part of it, but there is no fear in him. As I become like him, I will fear no evil either. I can hate it, abhor it, resist, and choose not to participate in it. But the word of God says, I will fear no evil.

This adjustment came while I was interceding one day. My motivation for praying on that particular day was fear of evil and its influence. In the most gentle way, I heard the Lord say, “I fear no evil. I fear no evil. Now, you say it, Adrienne.” “I will fear no evil,” I responded. It was then clear that my intercession was good but rooted in the wrong MO. Freedom from the fear of evil is very good, and it changes the way we pray. 

Psalm 23, Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil — you are with me. 

Cathartic Prayer

I don’t think it’s arrogant to wrestle with God. There is a biblical precedence for it, not to mention we were created to be in relationship with him. He loves walking and talking with us and can handle our biggest questions.

Arrogance comes when we stop listening–when we stop learning from him. That’s pride. Presumption. Stubbornness. Samuel tells Saul, your rebellion is as witchcraft, your presumption is as idolatry (1 Samuel 15:22-23). Our unwillingness to listen to his response is not only presuming we know best, but it also demeans prayer to a mere cathartic experience. 

Prayer involves asking and listening and listening and obeying. If we are not careful, we can get hooked on the emotional release and miss the best part — learning God’s ways. That’s the wholeness we long for, the necessary transformation. Don’t settle for a catharsis. Don’t settle for your own wisdom. Abide. Learn his ways. 

Psalms 86, Teach me your way O, Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you with my whole heart.